Home – part one

Our house is on the market. For sale or lease. Whichever comes first.

I’m sure our neighbors just love us.  You see we only moved into the house a year ago.  And it was a dump and we’ve turned it into our dream house and reduced the dozen cars and other issues the neighbors hated, that came with the people who were renting it. And now we’re selling it.

This house has fulfilled a lot of dreams for me.  I love to entertain and to decorate.  The process of taking a place with urine-stained carpet…and the smell that accompanies it…into a welcoming and beautiful home, gets my creative juices flowing.

In our previous place, when we had friends over for dinner, once everyone was seated at the table, it was no longer possible to move around the room.  At all. There was no room.  The table extended through the hall and up to the adjoining wall.  Had there been room to move a chair back enough to stand up, there was no point, there was no-where to go.  In fact, and this was really embarrassing, the door to the toilet was directly next to the head of the table.  People didn’t want to leave the table for ANY reason… you get my drift here, right?

You may wonder why I still kept inviting people over.  But I love to entertain. Truly. Deeply.

I’ve got to stop thinking about that, as I’m feeling all caged up again, and shoe-horned and uncomfortable.

Our current place makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And proud of it and what I’ve done with it.  And at peace. Especially when there’s people over…or a party on the horizon J  We’ve had fifteen sets of overnight guests in the year we’ve been here, and are eagerly awaiting 4 more groups before we leave.   Woohoo. Can’t wait.

Although I’m so very happy here, I’m ready to sell. At least I keep telling myself that it’s just a house. There will be other places to decorate and welcome friends into, right?

I want to focus on my children and the relationships we build, and the kind of people they become. And I believe (Hope. PRAY)  that our dream of traveling with the kids, and all they will be introduced to, and our time together, will shape who they are and make them better people.

There are lots of inspiring, wonderful people out there who haven’t taken a year like this.  Whose dreams are different.  But it looks as though, because I am who I am, and because of how I grew up, that once again, we’re going to choose the hard way.  Beautiful too.  But hard. Staying, for our family, would be easy.

But here’s what scares me.  Ok, here’s one of the MANY things about this year that scare me…

I grew up living in 200 square feet, but without a home (I grew up on a traveling hospital ship – more about that in another post). And I know what it’s like to not really belong ANYWHERE.

And my little kiddo’s are begging us NOT TO SELL THE HOUSE.

And maybe I’m projecting, but am I going to scar them? Will they feel lost and untethered?  Will they feel abandoned, or worse… rejected…by their friends who may fill up, with other friends and activities, the gap my kids leave?

I just opened an email with an offer on the house. Today. Now.

So, tonight, Dreamboat and I will be discussing the pro’s and con’s of selling the dream house.

And potentially scarring our kids.

Your thoughts and prayers are appreciated…



Filed under July 2012

8 Responses to Home – part one

  1. lidogirl777

    I am forever grateful to my parents for doing what society thought was madness and following their hearts and God’s leading….and I just know your kids will benefit more than you can imagine….. xxxx

  2. Hi Heidi, I’m praying for you and Dreamboat <3 to know what God is saying and have the wisdom you want to have for yourselves and most of all your children <3. I just want to say though that after 26 years of marriage with the youngest of 4 moving out of the "house" next January, this is actually the 9th house we've been in and we lived in one of those places twice so that makes an even 10 :) With that in mind, and as I think of the conversations with my young adult children, it seems that the most damaging and also enriching thing that remains in their child/adult hearts <3 is the quality of relationships we had as a family in each of those houses. I didn't do so well as a mom for a few years because of much stress in our ministry so I am advising all young moms who join us to know their boundaries emotionally in taking on responsibility. <3 Our children need a mom who has the emotional reserves to hear their hearts and listen to their thoughts, giving lots of emotional support. I didn't have that emotional reserve and the last few years have been spent in mending through love and forgiveness those tender child hearts carried by young adults :( God is good and miraculous in his ability to heal :) and love conquers all! <3 Love you and again praying for you.

  3. missymareau

    You are doing the RIGHT thing. I’m sure lots of kids who grew up in the same town in the same house, are amazing human beings. No question. But those parents were CALLED to live in that town and raise their family there. Kids benefit from parents following the urging that God puts there- and trust me- that looks LOTS of different ways… I am proud of you. AND- you and I are both products of parents doing scary things and still being fearless.

  4. lyrebird

    Doubts will always surface about the decisions we make for our family and future. I think that this new chapter will be a time of growth in so many ways. I wonder if our concept of home doesn’t have to be a structure but a sense of belonging to a relational unit such as a family. And if that unit is strong and is positive and builds and doesn’t tear down and is a safe haven, then that is home in the best sense of the word.

  5. Heidi, look in the mirror…ask yourself are you damaged? Of course not! And neither will they be.
    Our Chad and Grace were always more excited about the next adventure than they were fearful.
    It is really all in how you handle it. For instance we told Chad and Grace how special they were to us and that their birth mothers gave them life and allowed them to be adopted because she loved them and wanted the best for them. We did this many times even before they could understand the words. While in our circle of adoptive parents we have seen a lot of struggles especially where the adopted parents did not tell them they were adopted. when it seemed that they were a little scared we told them if was normal at times to be scared. We prayed and almost always wound up laughing about it together. You will do fine in that arena, I know! A little aside question. Will you be using Bethel or some recognized home study material?

  6. dubysue

    Heidi – Love, love your posts and will be reading along enjoying your journey (easy for me to say!). So proud of you guys…and just KNOW though there will be many challenges, it will be sweet and right. I’m already learning and being refreshed. Sue

  7. Your kids will be fine! They’ll love it.
    And for now, it’s ‘just’ a year. They will still have a home. Home is with you guys anyway. It’s not the house, it’s the family/the community. I think they’ll love the trip and experiences and well…after that, you’ll settle them back in somewhere. The experiences will be priceless. I suppose if this ends up being a ten year stint…well, then maybe it will be more difficult for them to refer to a place as home….but for a year, I think you’re good.
    I have to say I still find it hard not to know where ‘home’ is… and feel connected to one place (besides the Anastasis!), but I wouldn’t have changed my childhood if I got the chance.


  8. Thanks for the marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you could be a great author. Have a nice holiday weekend!